Without further ado, let's hear from from Wade Wilson. He's a rather talkative fellow who finds himself quite the comedian, so please humour him. Take it away, Wade!
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If you don't want to read my enlightening banter and would rather just look at my pictures without my insightful commentary, CLICK HERE. Otherwise, keep reading, and you might learn something cool! Also, I wasn't able to (or simply decided not to - you know who you are) photograph ALL of the folks at the party, so if you feel your picture isn't in my gallery and it should be, catch me next year and we'll talk.
So my buddy Remy (you might know him as Gambit) asks me if I want to go to this party with him.
We decided to ditch the world of Cyberspace (at least for a night) and have some fun. Look out, Meatspace, here we come!I know I'm not wearing my usual duds, but hey, they told me to dress up!
Evening, Internet People. How's life on that data expressway? Probably not as good as the DeVan Brothers' Halloween Party. Which was awesome. Lend an ear (or if you're reading this, an eye or two) and I'll tell ya all about it! But first, allow me to introduce myself. I'm Wade Wilson, also known as Deadpool. Yeah, the guy from those comic books! I'm really popular and extremely hip.
Yet, somehow, most people didn't recognize me. They thought I was some kind of G.I. Joe, Iron Man [my teleporter doesn't look like a miniaturized ARC Reactor, does it?) or, you guessed it, "Ninja Spider-Man." Does no one know the Merc with a Mouth? This makes me a sad Deadpool.
We walked in and were greeted by that glorious Bold Go-er, Jim Kirk. You know him. He's that guy who flies through space macking on alien women, for exploration/scientific purposes or something. I hear he had a green chick once, and I don't mean She-Hulk.Kirk introduced me to his loverly first mate (see what I did there?). If you ask me, her phaser is set to "stunning." Why a guy who's got a girl like that would willingly float aimlessly in a spaceship is beyond me!
They taught me how Tribbles reproduce. Fun fact: she's doing it with her finger in this picture.
Things got off to a rocky start as Remy sold me out to a Ringwraith. He "volunteered" me to be the 'Wraith's personal slave. The Ringwraith was this towering man-like beast with a metal head. If I wasn't so excited by the thought of him exploiting me for everyone's pleasure, I might have actually been scared (just kidding). Using his cursed shackles, he bound me to a chair, which wasn't so bad. Normally, they make you pay for kinky stuff like that.
The 'Wraith then freed me, only to chain me up and drag me around for all to see. Some might call that 'humiliating,' but I call it 'free advertising.' Everyone got a good look at the Merc with a Mouth, and the next time they'll need someone to put a bullet in a third-world warlord's ass, they'll think of that red masked guy with the glowy chest thing.Ringy and I patched things up by the end of the evening. He was a true gentleman and I won't soon forget him.
Gambit and I met some friends of ours from the world of comics. Among the familiar faces we ran into were Robin (I would KILL for his legs) and Supe-- er, I mean Clark Kent.
Y'know, Supes, it's not a SECRET IDENTITY if you keep telling us who you are. I couldn't go near him because I was wearing my Kryptonite Underoos.Oh, and when I said "I'd kill for Robin's legs," I meant "I killed Robin for his legs."
Silk Spectre II was there as well. So was Rorschach, but he wouldn't let me a take his picture. I think it's because I'm the only one annoying enough to make him speak in full sentences.
There were plenty of other colourful characters to be found, including the striking nudist, who refused to believe us when we told her that the labour disputes had been settled.
Among the other folks at party: Captain Hook (I hear he moonlights as a tow truck), some dear I frankly did not give a damn about, the Red Baron (complete with wearable biplane), an Imperial Officer who did not find the droids he was looking for, a 1920s flapper (flapper? I hardly know her!), a man with a long white beard I thought was God but was actually a Harry Potter character, a Jewish ninja or "Ninjew" (I defeated him by rubbing ham on my katana), some Roman Sentries (wish I looked that good in fur!) and Jesus Christ (I honestly thought he was Alan Moore).I met Little Bo Peep, who came off as a demanding, dominating kinda gal. I can sorta understand why her sheep all ran away. Remember, ladies, always give your farm animals plenty of space. Especially if you're just going to shave off all their hair and sell it.
The nurse we ran into was one smart cookie: she knew better than to be around Gambit without protective gloves and a face mask.
She gave me a checkup for free. Maybe I should've asked for a sponge bath, too. Let's hear it for Canadian health care! (This means a lot coming from its poster child. Thanks for curing my cancer, Weapon X project!)
Speaking of health care, the friendly zombie wedding couple really coulda used a booster shot or two. Kinda sucks they died before consummating their marriage.
Maybe that's why they were so friendly. They tried to eat my brain, but I let 'em eat my boomstick instead.
One of the best things about these parties is that you'll never know who's going to show up, such as THIS guy. Meeting him wasn't bad. It was a thriller, really. Totally rocked my world. I can't describe the way he made me feel. I totally gave into him until he got fed up with my puns and told me to beat it. I didn't want him to think that I wanna be startin' something, lest we end up spilling blood on the dancefloor. The man is dangerous, I tell you.
FYI: He's alive. Like Elvis, disco, Tupac, and MC Hammer.The four Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were there. I was surprised by their mutation. They look more like Young Human Adults than Teenage Turtles these days. And they've even grown a fifth finger!
The Turtles totally made my day. They brought their friend April with them. She's the ONLY reason I still watch Channel 6's sub-par "news," which severely lacks any kind of journalistic integrity and has degenerated into biased propaganda. But I don't blame April for that. And even if I did, I can't stay mad at her. Cowabunga!
Eventually, I started feeling a little rumbly in they ol' tumbly. I decided, like many before me, to find solace in a bowl of pretzels.
Alas, my attempts were in vain. I had been thwarted by saggy red spandex. Wouldn't be the first time.
I wandered aimlessly, defeated, until ultimately crossing paths with this Grimm maiden. My heart (among other things) raced.
We were like kindred spirits: our love of bladed weapons, portable storage, red and black costumes... Oh, and we're both excessively hot.She gave me the instrument of my salvation: a delicious cookie!
Cookie in hand, I proceeded to explore the building and rediscovered an obscure bit of Canadiana lodged somewhere in my brain, under a couch or something - Camp Cariboo counsellors were at the party! Basically, unless you're a Canadian who happens to be older than 20, their rad costumes went way over your head. Thanks, Camp Cariboo. If only Uncle Wes could've given me some tips on picking up women...
It didn't occur to me that I had gone to the party with king of picking up women: Gambit! (He's also the ace of picking up women, the jack, and the 10 of clubs.) A flashy smile and some Cajun charm was all it took to win (and then break) the heart of the Mushroom Kingdom's peachy princess. (Remy, you bastard! I trekked through eight whole Worlds to try to win her heart!)
I figured I would try my luck. "Hey Sweetcheeks, I know this real classy place where you put quarters in the bed and--" It didn't help that Mario was right behind her. (He looks much more feminine in real life.)
No dice. Peach shot me down. I couldn't reach her coveted Warp Zone. I didn't even light up the first triangle of her P-Meter. No way she'd even think of going anywhere near my Whistle. Instead, she gave me a Mushroom and said, "Thank you Deadpool! But the Princess is in another castle!" Hey, you take what you get, right?
Much of the night was spent watching Remy do what he does best - chase anything with two X chromosomes. Dude really needs to learn some respect. I watched him whisper sweet nothings to Little Bo Peep... Not cool, man. She's already lost her sheep. Playing with her emotions is just cruel (and not the fun kind of cruel).
He tried to sweep April off her feet. Hey, spoiler for ya, Bayou Boy: she digs Heroes in a Half Shell, not Gumbo-Eating Card-Throwers with Half-Sized Junk.
There's a reason Redshirts die young: they catch STDs from Gambit.
I'm not trying to sound racist, but I seriously don't like the idea of that swamp boy anywhere near the forest girl. It'd break my heart if she gave HIM a cookie, and not the kind of "broken heart" my healing factor can fix.
"You must be this pimp to enter."
Careful, Remy - she's married! When her husband finds out, he'll swallow your soul.
Despite all the love for Gambit, there seemed to be few few (if any) feminine Deadpool fans. Here I am trying to decide which I should use on him.
Some people go to parties to try to score. I go to parties to try to slay. And for the record, I ain' 'fraid a no ghosts.
Anyway, it was a rock'n party with music, beer, prizes (I won a poker set, but Gambit stole the cards), and dames in fancy clothes, with all the money helping sick kids. How can you go wrong?There you have it, folks: what I did at the 2009 DeVan Brothers Halloween Fundraiser. Join us next year for more fun and to try to meet women. Do it for the kids!
Thanks for the lenghty post-party report, Wade. A bigger thanks to the organizers and volunteers who ran the DeVan Brothers' fundraiser, and to everyone who showed up!
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